Memoirs of an English Major

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” - Nick Carraway

   It’s strange how and why I tend to do the things that I do. Take this web site for example. Did you know that this is only the 4th blog I have actively updated? It’s true. Originally, I had a blogger account before Google bought it out, where I would comment on general geek topics with a couple of friends. In fact, that was the first blog I had used in a charity effort to post for 24 hours straight. It was actually the only time I had stayed up for 24 hours straight and it is something I would not mind doing again, should the need arise.

    But tonight’s post is not a rant on my writing past, but more so on the present. This week has been a pretty slow week to my creativity and writing style and frankly, I’m not too sure why. Perhaps it could be the week has taken a tole on me or perhaps it is my lapse in passion. Or perhaps my event in Chicago may actually be effecting me more so than I thought. Before you read on, this post may be a bit more personal and commentary on my life than other posts and if you would care not to read a memoir section of this site, you can skip this post. But, as this is my site and my content, I feel it is just and correct to write on this. And so, I continue.

  Looking at the quote, I’m pretty sure I’ve used that one before or another quote from The Great Gatsby. It’s one of my top books and I think it’s one of the few books I have in audio and written form. It’s one of the few books that I look to for inspiration in my writing. It is one of the few works in life that is simultaneously a book of its time and one that is timeless. The story reflects everything the lost generation thought and felt and even within this timed story was something that still resonates today. It is something I could only dream of achieving and strive to do.

    But why do I write this? What’s the connection? Well, simply because it is something I want to achieve and  get to. I’ve written before that what I strive for is the concept of universal truths and writing something that goes beyond the words on the page and resonates with people, forming that crucial connections between author and reader. At the same time, and some of my readers are quite aware, I tend to take inspiration from events and people in my real life. Granted, every writer does it, but I tend to do so more than other authors. This is a dilemma that has irked me in recent days and has been a constant thought in my mind. As to why this is the case, I don’t know. Perhaps it is just my mind reflecting. I won’t go into detail where this has happened, as this is not important to this post. What is important is the reason. Some people see universal truths when they look towards religions or to epic tales. I try to find them in my life, try to find out what the lesson, if any, that was supposed to be gained from an event. In the end, I fictionalize the events to try to get a better understanding as to what goes through my mind during an experience. In fact, I mainly fictionalize these events to work out certain thoughts and frustrations in my life posts those events and try to gain wisdom from them. Oddly enough, through this, I start to realize that there may be something there that I hadn’t thought about that may go beyond the simple story and may reflect something that anyone could relate to. By fictionalizing the event, I gain a bit more clarity on things and realize why my mind could only produce that idea, that my hand would only write that one tale, that my passion would only go into that one work and through all this I learn why it is I even looked back at that event in the first place and why I felt it was something I needed to write in the first place. In all of this mess, I find peace and sweet comfort, regardless of the outcome and somehow, looking back, I see the connection I made then and realize that it might be something more for others looking on it, hence why it hits this web site.

     And so I conclude with this final thought. If for some reason my writing has offended, hurt, perplexed, insulted, or simply irked you in one way or another, I apologize. But know this, I do none of this for praise, reward, or any sort of compensation. In truth, I do it for myself, trying to scratch an itch that I can’t do in my working or waking life. I do this to work through issues and quirks in my life that I’m not quite man enough to admit in public. It is through this that I find peace and reason. In the end, I don’t know if any of it will amount to anything. I do feel that by writing in this fashion, I do capture those threads that may resonate with people, though to be honest, I have no idea. In any case, if you have read this post,I thank you for bearing with it. Even in this sort of writing, my mind is at peace and I can now get back to my other tasks. Till then though, good night.